Seen

As a new mom, everything in your life revolves around baby.

What you eat, wear, drink, your sleep, your conversations, your whole world becomes encompassed by this little butter ball of love that smiles when it farts.

And it is H A R D.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I love every second of it and do it all with so much pride.

But it is hard and you feel… forgotten.

Because not only is everything you do revolving around this perfect little baby that you worked so hard to make

But

Everyone around you only seems to care about baby.

I remember the first time someone came over to see the baby and they genuinely asked about me. I remember it so clearly because I don’t even need one hand to count the amount of times this has happened.

I came into the living room holding Remi and their eyes lit up (as do most, I am biased but, she’s perfect)

And they paused.

Holding my shoulders and looking me in the eyes and said, “before baby how are YOU?!”

And I burst out crying…

I was so overcome at the moment of being seen.

I was messy, tired, in pain and hadn’t slept in a week.

Now, don’t get me wrong, everyone asks. But it’s a passing ask more as a courteous gesture.

They don’t listen after they ask, and it shows.

This was the first few weeks after having Remi, and it already felt big.

Taking on this new role is hard in itself.

No one prepares you for the constant worry of every little dot that pops up on their skin, the never letting your guard down, the way the comments others say will make you feel, the late nights, early mornings, the love..

Oh goodness the LOVE.

No one prepares you for how heartbreakingly beautiful the love you feel is.

Our Remi girl is almost 6 months.

If anything I feel more unseen or unwanted.

As though my purpose for others has already been fulfilled because I gave them Remi.

Dramatic right?

But dang, is it heartbreaking and heavy to feel this way.

Most of the time the only reason people call me from either side of our family, is to see Remi.

What are you guys doing? When can I see Remi? When can we come over to see Remi?

Remi Remi Remi

I want people to love on her.

YES! Absolutely!

I want her life to be full of so much love!

But I feel lost in it all.

Hi, Hello, Yes I’m here… no actually I’m not okay

But they never ask.

Or the way they do seems so insincere, I don’t want to share.

You see, as a new mom, we lose so much of our identity. So much more than people realize and it’s easy to forget after you’ve been through it.

We’re creating a whole new us. And it may take a while to fill that new person in.

With all the new responsibility, chaos, lack of sleep, and constant tugging and pulling in every direction.

You learn as you go, flying by the seat of your pants - praying you are doing it alright.

You find yourself giving every last ounce of you to baby and those around you.

And very little being given to fill you up in return.

Why don’t we just ask for help? Or say we are struggling??

I call it, Super Mom Syndrome…

We are new moms and feel the need to have it all together.

We are given this absolutely insane honor and responsibility of raising a H U M A N!

With zero training and no rule book (I read allll the mommy books possible so hey, we tried)

We want to look like we have it all together because so many people act like you shouldn’t.

There’s a stereotype of the lack of sleep, exhaustion etc… and we all know it

So Super Mom Syndrome, let’s act like we have it all together so we don’t get judged or look like we’re failing.

After all, this is our baby we should be able to do it all right?!

I felt scared and shameful writing this post.. do others feel this way? Am I losing it? Was I not made to be a mom because I feel this way?

False. False. False.

Holy smokes I wish I could shut my damn brain up sometimes for telling myself these lies.

For allowing myself to be encompassed by them at times.

That. That yet again, felt vulnerable to say.

But hey, I made this to be real, to share the things we all go through yet, are rarely talked about.

And they need to be.

So here I am.

Kassy. Mom. Photographer. Writer. Girlfriend. Christian. Joyful.

I love to travel, and camp. I am obsessed with my little family and documenting our adventures. I love to love on others and lift them up.

I am also.

Lonely. Scared. Struggling. Tired. Lost.

I feel so anxious ever since becoming a new mom. I am scared to admit I am struggling at times and it feels lonely.

AND THATS OKAY!

A good friend of mine said it perfectly when I was bouncing this blog post off of her…

“When a baby is born, so is a Mother. And that needs love and attention as well”

YES

So Hey,

Check in on your new momma friends.

It is so important.

I promise you, they need it more than they could ever express.